pe plaja la nudisti

Un cuplu merge impreuna cu copilul lor de 7 ani la o plaja de nudisti. In timp ce mama se bronza, tatal pleaca sa faca o plimbare. Baietelul pleaca si el, dar se intoarce iute:

– Mami, mami, am vazut multe femei cu sani muuuult mai mari ca ai tai!

– Cu cat sunt mai mari, cu atat sunt mai proaste! raspunde mama lui. Baiatul pleaca din nou, dar se intoarce la fel de repede:

– Mami, mami, am vazut multi barbati cu cocosel muuuult mai mare ca al lui tata!

– Cu cat este mai mare, cu atat sunt mai prosti! raspunde mama. Baiatul pleaca pt a treia oara si la intoarcere spune:

– Mami, tocmai l-am vazut pe tati vorbind cu cea mai proasta femeie pe care am vazut-o vreodata, si cu cat vorbea mai mult cu atat era mai prost !

Fix Remote Desktop Error: “The Remote Computer Disconnected the Session Because of an Error in the Licensing Protocol”

Occasionally, and for no particular reason, my computer will no longer establish Remote Desktop connections to any computer. When trying to connect, I get the error message “The remote computer disconnected the session because of an error in the licensing protocol. Please try connecting to the remote computer again or contact your server administrator.” The issue seems to stem from a corrupt registry key, so the best way to resolve the problem is by removing that key from the registry and allowing Remote Desktop to recreate it. The fix is basically the same for Windows XP through Windows 7, though Vista/7 may require one more step.

 

1. Log in as an Administrator.

2. start regedit

3. delete key HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\MSLicensing 

4. Reboot your computer.

5. Start ( “Run as Administrator” ) Remote Desktop.

How to automatically go to Windows 8 desktop (skip Start/Metro screen) on Windows boot [Guide]

To boot past Windows 8’s Start screen and go directly to Windows 8 desktop, you need to make a simple registry tweak. Do the following:
While in Windows 8 (desktop or Start screen, it doesn’t matter), open regedit. If you don’t know how to run regedit, read dotTech’s How to run Register Editor in Windows 8 guide.
When you have regedit open, navigate to HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\Software\Microsoft\Windows NT\Current Version\Winlogon:

At the Winlogon registry folder, look for the registry entry named Shell, right-click it, and hit modify:

Once you right-click Shell and hit modify, a dialog box will pop open. In that box, there will be a Value data field which will say explorer.exe. Change explorer.exe to „explorer.exe /select,explorer.exe” (without the quotes) and hit OK:

Close Registry Editor.
Done! Restart your computer (click here to learn how to restart Windows 8, if you don’t know how) and upon boot you should see Start screen appear for a split second after which you are taken to Windows 8 desktop automatically:

 

 

 

 

Cheia

(de Adrian Paunescu)

Mari poeti, de-a lungul vremii, au asemanat femeia
Cu o floare, cu un soare, c-o zeita, cu scanteie, cu o apa, c-o papusa
Eu, cum nu-s poet prea mare, zic ca seamana c-o usa.
Usa catre fericire, usa catre mangaiere
Usa ce spre taine duce galopand… luna de miere.
Usa catre inrobire, usa jugului etern
Usa care-ti deschide perspectiva spre infern.

De, dar ca s-ajungi sa intri, e-o problema delicata
Fiindca mai intai de toate, usa trebuie descuiata.
Si treaba se face bine si devine fericita
Nu cu cheia la-ntimplare, ci cu cheia potrivita,

Cheia ei originala, orice usa-n lumea asta
Dupa nunta si traditie are cheia ei si… basta!

Dar de iei un gen de usa, simpla, dubla sau de tei
Si-ai sa vezi ca merg la dinsa doua sau mai multe chei
Stai, n-o sparge cu toporul, nu tipa, nu fa scandal
Ia-ti mai bine portofelul si te du la tribunal.

Ca sa-ti iei o alta usa, liber trebuie sa fii
Si-asta costa, dupa leafa, de la 3 la 7 mii!
Cand alegi o usa noua, trebuie s-o faci cu arta
Sa n-aiba, Doamne fereste, broasca defecta, sparta…
Ca broasca atat e buna pana n-a scapat la chei,
Ca pe urma n-o mai fereci, nici cu doua nici cu trei
E asemeni cu ulciorul, care dus prea des la apa
Te trezesti ca-i sare smaltul, ori se sparge, ori se crapa.

Usa este ca gaina, ca abia cand e batrana
Mai matura si mai coapta, face supa cea mai buna.
Da, dar care om in viata nu si-a spus in gandul lui:
„Da-o dracului de supa, vreau un piciorus de pui”?

Usa este ca un loto, zice pustiului un tata
Nu e nici o diferenta – dai un ban mai tragi odata
Insa,dragul tatii, afla, nu tine cat vesnicia,
Ca exagerand cu joaca, ti se strica jucaria.

Am vazut o usa care a trait in viata toata
Ca o sfanta cuvioasa, si-a murit nedescuiata
A urlat la dansa cerul,cu o voce ca de crai:
Hei, stafie ingalbenita, poate vrei sa intri-n rai?

Mars la iad, acolo-i locul pentru-o scandura uscata
Ai trait degeaba-n lume si-ai ramas tot incuiata.

Ce te temi mereu de usa! o sa-mi spuneti cu temei!
Habar n-am: Bun! Perfect!
Aveti dreptate, sa vorbim atunci de chei.
Fiindca principalu-n lume, nu e gandul, nici ideea

Nu e focul si nici roata, principalul este cheia.
Si exista chei… O groaza, cati barbati, atatea chei,
Ca de cind e lumea lume, cheile le tin la ei.
Unele sint lungi si groase, sau subtiri ca un siret
Altele mici, delicate, ce deschid si un fiset.
Principalul nu-i marimea, important – la orice usa –
E sa se lovesca cheia si sa fie… jucausa.

Sa nu se-ndoaie-n broasca si sa tina la-nvartit.
Chei de lacate, valize, de casete, frigidere,
De camari, de manastire, pivnite sau sifoniere,
Ar mai fi cheia franceza, cheia la casa de bani,
Cheia de la TURNUL LONDREI sau facuta de tigani,
Dara, ce te faci amice, ca din sute de modele
Tu te chinui toata viata cu o cheie de… sardele!

Merge ea cat merge bine, dar apoi prinde rugina
Si-atunci nici Gerovitalul n-o mai scoate la lumina!
Poti sa-i dai cu glaspapirul, smirghel, pile, ciocolata,
Tot ce-ncerci este zadarnic, ti-a iesit din uz si gata!
Geaba-ncerci, geaba te zbuciumi si degeaba-ti iesi din fire.
Nu te mai vaita la lume, nu e vina nimanui,
Leaga-o cu-n siret sau funda, fa-i un nod si pune-o-n cui!
Sunt atitea chei pe lume, cheia „sol ” si cheia „FA „,
Dar asta nu te-ncalzeste daca n-ai tu cheia ta.
Si… zicind cum zic batranii… la o tinerete noua,
Zici… privindu-ti. .. amintirea…
„AH, DE-AS FI AVUT EU DOUA! ”

 

Error opening attachments / Cleaning out the Temporary Outlook Files folder

v1:

If you are using win xp pro and outlook 2003 and can’t open Tif files in outlook.

Here is what you can do:

This problem known by Microsoft

In safe mode go to:
C:\Documents and Settings\username\Local Settings\Temporary internet Files\olk xxx

then delete this library contents.

if you cant see this library – open the hidden files and folder in the folder option

Now restart the computer to normal mode, open the outlook
and open the tif files

 

v2:

When opening an attachment directly from within Outlook you could get an error message saying that it can’t create the file and to that you need check the permissions on the folder you want to save it in. In most cases the permissions on the folder isn’t the issue but the fact that the folder is “full”. When you open an attachment directly from within Outlook it will first save a copy to a subfolder of the Temporary Internet Files folder. Cleaning out the folder will solve the issue.
Outlook Secure Temp folder

Unfortunately this is easier said than done. The subfolder name Outlook creates (on installation of Outlook) in the Temporary Internet Files folder is quite random. In Outlook 2003 and previous, the name starts with OLK and is followed by up to 4 random numbers or letters. In Outlook 2007 and Outlook 2010, this folder is called Content.Outlook and then has a subfolder which is named with with 8 random numbers and letters. In addition, by default, you cannot simply browse to the folder to clean it out. Getting to the Temporary Outlook Folder can still be accomplished in 2 easy steps though.

Step 1: Locate the folder
The folder location is stored in the registry in the following key;Outlook 97 HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Office\8.0\Outlook\Security
Outlook 98 HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Office\8.5\Outlook\Security
Outlook 2000 HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Office\9.0\Outlook\Security
Outlook 2002/XP HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Office\10.0\Outlook\Security
Outlook 2003 HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Office\11.0\Outlook\Security
Outlook 2007 HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Office\12.0\Outlook\Security
Outlook 2010 HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Office\14.0\Outlook\Security

Step 2: Get to the folder
Open the OutlookSecureTempFolder registry key from the location provided in Step 1.
Copy the path from the key.
Open Explorer
Paste the address in the Address Bar and press Enter

 

 

The log or differential backup cannot be restored because no files are ready to rollforward

If you have found this page, it is likely that you encountered the following error when you tried to restore a differential backup using Microsoft SQL Server 2005. Restore failed for Server ”. (Microsoft.SqlServer.Smo) Additional Information: System.Data.SqlClient.SqlError: The log or differential backup cannot be restored because no files are ready to rollforward. (Microsoft.SqlServer.Smo) What this error is telling you is that there is no database that was left in non-operational mode, and thus has not been cleaned up such that uncommitted transactions have not been rolled back. The easy way to reproduce this error is to backup your database using full recover model, and do full and differential backups. Once you have your full and differential backup files you, if you want to restore your database all you have to do is restore the full backup first, and then one of the differential files (differential backups have all the changes since the last full backup) that brings you up to the point you want to restore to. You will get the above error when you try to restore the differential backup (after you just restored the full backup). Unfortunately, you forgot one critical detail (just like I did at first). You MUST restore all but the last (in this case the full backup) with NORECOVERY option. In the Microsoft SQL Server Management Studio there are three options on the Option „page” when you restore a database. Option 1 (the default): Leave the database ready to use by rolling back uncommitted transactions. Additional transaction logs cannot be restored.(RESTORE WITH RECOVERY) Option 2: Leave the database non-operational, and do not roll back uncommitted transactions. Additional transaction logs can be restored.(RESTORE WITH NORECOVERY) To properly restore a database that is backup up using full recovery mode with full and differential backups, here are the steps you need to follow to not get the above error. Restore Full backup

  1. Open the Restore Database window in Microsoft SQL Server Management Studio
  2. Ensure the To database field is filled in with the name you want.
  3. Choose From device as the Source for restore.
  4. Choose the full backup file you want to restore. In most cases this is the most recent full backup file.
  5. Click the Options page on the left navigation.
  6. Choose Leave the database non-operational, and do not roll back uncommitted transactions. Additional transaction logs can be restored.(RESTORE WITH NORECOVERY). This is the most important step!!!

Restore Differential backup

  1. Open the Restore Database window in Microsoft SQL Server Management Studio
  2. Ensure the To database field is filled in with the name you want. The same that you specified in step 2 for the Restore Full backup
  3. Choose From device as the Source for restore.
  4. Choose the differential backup file you want to restore. In most cases this is the most recent differential backup file.
  5. Click the Options page on the left navigation.
  6. Choose the default: Leave the database ready to use by rolling back uncommitted transactions. Additional transaction logs cannot be restored.(RESTORE WITH RECOVERY) Make sure to choose this if you want to use your database after the restore.

That is it, no more error. If you are lucky 🙂

Nunta fotbalistica

Afara-i frig si înnorat,
Si Steaua o ia pe coaja,
Pe Athos Becali a urcat
Sa-i faca popa o vraja.

S-a saturat ca Steaua lui
S-o ia cu 2 la 0
Si vrea sa bage în teren
O trupa anti-tero

Si pierde azi, si pierde mâini
Si pierde-o saptamâna
Si-ncep sa-i fuga rând pe rând
Oile din stâna.

El sta-n maibach oftând din greu
Asteptând sa vina vara
S-o vada-n Champions League la TeVeu
Pe Poli Timisoara!

Miorita fotbalistica

Pe un stadion,
Cam cu ghinion,
Iata vine iute,
Pfui, ferea ca pute,
Un cioban ghertoi,
Cu-o turma de oi!
Una-i mai pestrita,
Oaia Nicolita,
Una care zburda
E o oaie Surda,
Iar una peltica
Se numeste Dica.

versuri ingineresti

Intr-o balta neagra,
Patru ochi priveste.
Ce sa este oare?
Este doua peste.

Pe un camp cu viorele
Crestea numai ghiocei.
Si-a venit mandrele mele
Si le-a cules ei pe toti.

Creste iarba, iarba deasa
Perpendicular pe casa.
Vine calul si o paste…
Alta iarba se dezvolta.

Tara mea cu rauri multe
Si cu frunze si cu flori.
Ai in tine o populatie
De mai multi locuitori.

Si din bolovani cu apa
S-au format inspre apus,
Muntii tai de incretire
Orientati cu varfu-n sus.

Trece lebedele-n zare.
Eu ma uit,  ele dispare…

Luceafarul (parodie)

A fost odata ca-n povesti
A fost ca niciodata
Pe la newsgroupuri românesti
Poata o draga fata.

Iara de trista ce era
Caci nu avea pereche
Un kil de tuica-si cumpara
Pe zi ca sa se-mbete.

Si îmbatându-se vedea
Cum St. Basil apare
Cu calul sau alb ca de nea
Cu ochelari de soare

Îl vede azi, îl vede mâini
Astfel dorinta-i gata
El iar postat de saptamâni
Îi cade draga fata

„Cobori în jos Basil cel Sfânt
Plutind usor cu calul
Pe tine te vreau cel mai mult
Da-mi place s-animalul.”

Basil atuncea a pornit
La seful lui cel mare
Ca sa-i aprobe în sfirsit
Elenei o chemare.

Dar nu avu prea mult succes
Ca seful lui urla
„La proasta aia de pe Net
Chemare nu se da.

Si pentru cine vrei sa mori ?
Ia uita-te de-aproape
Ori nu ti-am spus de-atâtea ori
Sa nu te legi de moarte?

De vrei la lume sa arati
A tale barbatie
Mai bine umbla în chiloti
Ca mi-ar placea si mie

Sa-ti spun cinstit, cam de mult timp
Te urmaresc în taina
Si te visez adeseori
Pe tine fara haina